Having said that,
and having consistently expressed strong opposition to the concept and practice
of same sex marriage, I must also point out that no actions taken by the
states, courts, legislative bodies or executive branches of government can
change the fundamental nature of marriage in God’s eyes. While I am highly
disappointed in the continuing degradation of marriage as an institution in our
society, I cannot honestly say that these recent actions by government have
done any more to hurt the institution of marriage than actions and attitudes of
society in general, including, I am sorry to say, self-professing
Christ-followers.
Long before the
concept of same-sex marriage became a realistic possibility in our culture,
heterosexuals were doing more than their fair share to degrade and defile
marriage. If we are outraged by society’s acceptance of same-sex marriage and
view that as a threat to the institution of marriage, we should be equally
offended by other practices that have trivialized marriage as well.
For example, sex
outside of marriage (either pre-marital or extra-marital sex) is a fundamental
threat to the institution of marriage. As our society has become accepting of
sex outside of the confines of the marriage relationship, we have seen a
cheapening of both sexual relations and of marriage. The idea of “saving
yourself” for marriage is quaint and seemingly archaic in our culture, though
God’s standards of confining sex to the marriage relationship has never
changed. Whenever a celebrity or athlete acknowledges he or she is a virgin, it
becomes news (generally mocked and ridiculed).
I’ve actually heard
supposedly Christian ministers advocate the practice of living together before
marriage. Some suggest that this is the best way to really get to know your
partner before you make a lifetime commitment. If that were true, then the rate
of divorce among those who lived together before marriage would logically be
lower than that of the general population, but multiple studies have indicated
that is not the case. In fact, those who live together before marriage divorce
at the same or perhaps even slightly higher rates than those who don’t live
together before marriage. Of course, this practice of co-habitation has become
so common that it’s increasingly difficult to find a couple who didn’t live
together before they were married. This is even true for many couples within
the evangelical church.
While the practice
of extramarital sex is still ostensibly frowned upon in our society, it really
doesn’t cause many raised eyebrows when someone admits to such a relationship.
Especially among men, there is a sense that “boys will be boys”, and thus a
fact of life to which we must become accustomed.
While divorce rates
for committed Christians (as opposed to those who define themselves as “Christian”
because they’re not Jewish, Muslim, etc) is lower than the general population,
it is still exceedingly high. Many Christians feel no compulsion to save their
marriages through counseling and intense effort. As one man told me a few years
ago (a former pastor, no less), he wasn’t happy in his marriage and simply
wanted out. We grow bored. We grow
restless. We grow weary. We want out.
I was watching a
show recently that is set in the 1960’s, and they referred to the child of a
divorced couple as coming from a “broken home”. When I heard that phrase, I thought
to myself, when was the last time I heard a divorced family referred to as a “broken
home”? That is exactly what it is, but
we don’t use that terminology any more.
And of course, this
doesn’t even take into account the countless joyless marriages in which people
muddle through for one reason or another, including religious convictions.
Unfortunately, those religious convictions are not strong enough to motivate
them to practice love and submission in accordance with the standards of
Scripture. They’re going through the motions, but in the process, they are
hardly glorifying Christ through their loveless, joyless marriages.
I mention all of
this because I think we Christians need to understand that there are a lot of practices,
beliefs and attitudes that threaten the institution of marriage every bit as
much as same-sex marriage. We get all bent out of shape because of the declining
morals in our society, but we need to acknowledge that these morals go far
beyond just the fairly recent acceptance (“tolerance” as society refers to it)
of homosexual marriage.
Maybe we shouldn’t get
on our high horses to decry the way “the liberals” are harming marriage until
we take a long hard look at the damage we conservative Christians have already
done to what God intended to be a holy and consecrated institution for the
welfare of mankind.
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